Ought to I be writing updates when issues are heavy and darkish? Possibly that’s precisely after I needs to be writing updates.
I realized yesterday {that a} good friend from faculty’s husband, who has stage 4 lung most cancers with the EGFR 20 mutation (mine is EGFR 19) shouldn’t be doing properly and has moved into hospice. OMG, I preserve pondering that is one thing I’ll transfer previous, nevertheless it’s claiming individuals I do know!
And a few members of the family are actually not doing properly.
And extra hair is falling out.
And my pet’s heads are falling off.
(Sorry, that’s a Dumb and Dumber film quote that my highschool buddies and I used to reference incessantly)
The gravity of my scenario has been feeling so heavy currently. This final spherical of chemo actually bought me for some cause. I’m far more nauseous that I’ve been because the first spherical and may’t stroll as far…and I’m nonetheless struggling to eat sufficient to maintain my power ranges up.
Sufficient! Chin up!
I preserve listening to positivity is the important thing, however do I’ve to be optimistic each freaking minute? Can I really feel the burden of this and cry and rage each every so often? After all. There aren’t any guidelines, however are there? There are such a lot of books that I’ve been studying about tips on how to reside with most cancers, tips on how to eat with most cancers, tips on how to survive most cancers, and there appear to be guidelines….however they’re totally different for everybody, so we will’t inform you precisely what they’re, however know that when you don’t comply with them it received’t be good, or won’t. We don’t actually know why some individuals make it out and a few don’t. So do the precise factor, we simply don’t know precisely what the precise factor FOR YOU is, so determine it out.
Ahhhhhhhh!
I do know my physique is combating. Is that why my hair is falling out now, and I’ve no urge for food? Or is that the poison of chemo working its means by means of all of the cells in my physique? Or is that the most cancers advancing?
How about some excellent news? I made it to Madison after spending all day sick in mattress the day earlier than my flight. I even checked out flying out a day or two later, however ticket costs had been RIDICULOUS to reschedule, so I placed on my large woman pants, packed a puke bag, and hoped for the perfect.
And I made it. Journey day wasn’t too unhealthy in any case, and I had a beautiful dinner catching up with Jasmine. We laughed over the “turkey vultures” bit (see the final weblog when you don’t know what I’m speaking about) and remembered that it actually was “pig vultures”. We had been making an attempt to get underneath our little brothers’ pores and skin in any case. “Pig Vultures!” we might screech as we peddled away down the nation roads. They’d circle and circle the intersection on their bmx bikes, hurling insults again at us as we laughed hysterically and coasted down the hill on our bikes, giddy with freedom.
It was enjoyable to inform tales, and apparently, we lived a couple of mile from the Ice Age Path…I knew we had been shut, however not that shut!!! A nationwide scenic path was evolving in my yard and I didn’t even comprehend it existed! It was designated as an NST in 1980, I used to be three, so sure, it was most positively there. I’ve to hike it. I’ve to reside lengthy sufficient to hike it. And Jasmine’s mother nonetheless lives in the home I do know so properly, she might be my path angel! She simply doesn’t comprehend it but. Actually, I’ve a good friend thru-hiking it proper now, and he calls it a pub crawl, so perhaps I can prepare for a few of my gear to be transferred from city to city so I don’t have to hold a lot, and there isn’t a lot elevation achieve, so perhaps it is a path I can hike in my most cancers years??
Whitney and I went out for dinner with Luke final night time, the manager director of the Ice Age Path, and we talked so much about it. That’s the magic of those path conferences: you get to satisfy the people who do the factor! And that factor is trails, which I really like a lot!
Jasmine additionally advised me that she remembered that I used to be very philosophical after I was rising up, and remembered numerous deep conversations that we had throughout sleepovers. Whereas coping with a bout of nausea within the lodge room yesterday, I did end watching Depraved on-line, the prequel to the Wizard of Oz. Then I needed to watch the Wizard of Ouncesafter all, and was instantly reminded of its affect in my life rising up.
Again then we simply had a TV with a couple of channels. It was even earlier than the VCR days. The Wizard of Ounceswould come on annually round Easter (wait a minute….Easter is that this week, in actual life!). The story of a protracted stroll, assembly form strangers you ended up loving and having good and scary adventures with, will need to have planted the seed for what would develop into my thru-hiking life. That and the Ice Age Path in my yard (proper by Fountain Lake the place we spent sooooo many days swimming) and my dreamy philosophical nature.
Try this map:
The x is the place I lived, the circle is the place Jasmine lived, and the + is the place our different good friend Katie lived. My freaking again yard!!!
I really feel down, however then I begin fascinated by what number of trails there are left to hike, what number of locations to see and other people to satisfy, and I get excited once more. And positive, I in all probability received’t be mountain climbing the Hayduke Path that I had deliberate to do in 2026, and the Nice Divide Path in 2027 for my fiftieth birthday, however there are many different trails the place I don’t have to hold 7 days of meals and eight liters of water on my again that may be added to my listing.
I can do that, proper?
Bear in mind to let me know if you wish to come to my party on June 8 in Corvallis Oregon!
For more information on my most cancers and methods to assist out try my Go Fund Me and my meal prepare or ship me some mail! 20 NW Hixon Ave., Bend OR 97703.
