Within the final week, I had a PET Scan that surveyed my neck down for most cancers, a Mind MRI to search for modifications from my final scan, and lab work. And so they have been clear! Away from most cancers I imply. There are nonetheless tumors (plenty of useless cells), there’s nonetheless harm to my backbone, and there’s nonetheless irregular labwork, however it’s irregular within the methods it has been irregular for the final yr, so in essence, regular for me.
Am I relieved? In fact! So relieved!
Am I again to my optimistic, constructive, pollyanna self? Properly…I appear to wish to take a seat with this information for some time, and it’s not such as you simply bounce again from considering the most cancers is rising once more…there’s the entire “nicely, why has my ache been rising” query. And I’ve to just accept that there’ll all the time be ache, that managing it’s my new actuality, and that a few of it may have been stress-related from the PTSD during the last yr.
So associates, all this implies I’ve one other 6-month lease on life!
So, I pulled the set off on some extra journeys. The truth is, there are nonetheless a number of openings for a yoga and writing retreat in March with Anish if any of you have an interest.
I had meant to jot down this submit yesterday after all of the check outcomes had are available in, however it seems I wanted a day.
I wakened like regular, drank my espresso with mushroom powders, and picked up and completed The Phrase for the World is Forest by Ursula Ok. Le Guin. When on the lookout for the subsequent ebook to learn, I surveyed the cabinets stuffed with cancer-related books, and simply needed to cease.
So if I’m not going to die but of most cancers but, I’m going to go examine most cancers and dying? No. Not at this time.
Most cancers simply hijacks your life. Particularly with the continual ache I’m experiencing now, nicely into remission. There’s not a day that I’m not reminded that I may die quickly, or not. May very well be 1 yr, possibly 5, possibly even 15! Good luck NOT fascinated with that day-after-day.
I wanted a day to marinate in it, and I gave myself a 100% unstructured, uncommitted day yesterday, the place I solely tried to trip the wave of existence, understanding I don’t have an energetic most cancers, and If that doesn’t elicit pleasure, then what are we even doing right here?
I took a stroll. This week I haven’t been doing yoga, the truth is, I haven’t accomplished yoga in a couple of month…the fears and all, however I’ve been occurring walks: early morning walks earlier than the solar is even up. I discuss walks within the icy morning, stepping gingerly down the street with my yak tracks on, understanding my backbone is sort of a pretzel stick, brittle and vulnerable to breaking when it falls to the ground.
Yesterday I went strolling simply after dawn and was rewarded with mild and coloration. It was one of many first days in Bend with a dusting of snow on the bottom, and though the paths have been treacherous with ice, it was so value it to have these views and that reframe. The day earlier than, darkness; at this time, I used to be strolling out of the darkish.
Can I surf the curler coaster of feelings as a substitute of sink into them?
Experience the wave of being alive at this time.
Experience the wave of being alive at this time.
Experience the wave of being alive at this time. Grew to become my mantra as I gingerly walked the world awake.
Experience the wave of being alive at this time.
What’s going to 2026 appear to be now? I’ve determined I would like some extra construction to my days, and the various teams that I’ve joined will assist in that: writing teams, ebook golf equipment, inventive freelancing teams, and most cancers survivor teams. A renewed dedication to including extra construction to my days might assist erect some scaffolding and help in giving me a solution to pull myself out of the listlessness that was December. Durations of time the place I discover deep concepts and browse lots. And I’ll proceed taking walks, plenty of walks. Studying, strolling, considering, writing; I’m form of designing the proper life. I can’t journey as a lot, however I’m residing a model of my life that’s fairly good proper now. I do know difficult and scary issues are across the nook, prepared to leap out at me and knock me down. (That goes for all of us. The world is simply plain SCARY proper now!) However at this time I’m standing and strolling within the mild.
I’ll go away you at this time with the announcement of one in all my first occasions of the yr, of the post-illness yr, a presentation I’m giving in April for the Empowering Ladies By Journey sequence: Adventuring is Completely different Now: How To Discover a Path Ahead when Your Physique Adjustments.
For our ultimate 2026 Speaker Collection we welcome again a earlier speaker, native triple crown thru-hiker Renee “She-ra” Patrick. In late 2024, Renee was identified with superior most cancers that left her in a wheelchair and unable to hold a backpack attributable to intensive neck and backbone harm. Now in remission and strolling once more, Renee is exploring learn how to proceed climbing and adventuring in a physique that has dramatically modified. She efficiently accomplished a 170-mile hike of the Portuguese Camino by utilizing a baggage transport service, and continues to research various types of journey so she will be able to proceed to search out solace and connection within the open air.
Be part of us to re-connect with Renee and discover a subject that so many people can relate to in our personal method, what it seems prefer to journey when our physique modifications.
